Helloooo out there there there there (like an echo, y'know?)

I'm still here. Still here more than ever. Just here. Reading, writing, hoping, planning.

August is coming so of course I'm packing up to move again (insert groan here).

Yoga all the time. Inhale exhale repeat.

Wedding plans. Aqua blue, white and navy. Shoes, dress, vows, venue, food and please NO pleated pants *shudder*

Slamming one door shut, an unexpected one is opening. Changes all over.
I'm needing a lot of reassurance lately but then find it by digging around in my guts. My guts are smarter than my brain most of the time.

I wish people would stop harrassing this Rob Pattinson person, you know Cedric Diggory, otherwise known as Edward. I feel very sad for him. Sure he's rich and famous, but he's accosted every day, has panic attacks and gets hit by taxis while running off in a panic.

Fancy shmancy hair

I had a little test run of my wedding hairdo done this weekend in Oregon.  I have a whole bottle of hairspray on my little head.  I could taste hairspray in my mouth for hours afterwards, but it looks pretty.  Also, there are about 500 little hairpins holding all of this together.  

Things that I'll type really fast and maybe... maybe will elaborate on later

Went to Oregon with my ma to do wedding planning there.  A delightful weekend.  Things really fell into place.  Love the ocean. 

Best friend came to visit and we went wedding dress shopping and found the dress within just a couple of hours of shopping.  Love the dress. 

Sun is out. 

Went on Weight Watchers so I can feel nice and trim, partly for the wedding and just then for life.  I know, I am a healthy weight.  I just want to lose a few pounds and lately have been doing the boredom eating- trying to get it under control.  

Thinking a lot of about work and career and just have this big full feeling that I don't need to settle, I don't need to feel I have to do anything but that I can do what I want to do.  Feel that when we do what makes us sparkle and shine, it helps the world and resonates with others.  I'm heading in that direction pretty full force but really not sure what that's going to mean.  

Summer is here.  Sun is out.  I'm off to work. 

Love to you all.  

An open letter to Cuphead

Dear Cuphead, 

Hey.  It's me.  You know, the lady who gives you the food.  The one whose feet you like to sleep on.  You know, the one who you always hope is opening a can of tuna fish when she's really opening a can of beans?  That's me, your beloved owner.  

When I adopted you those years ago, my heart really leapt out of my chest.  It was your little face, plugged up ears and the terrible idea that some creeps broke into the shelter where you were staying and messed the place up Big Time.  

You were pretty messed up for a while.  We had lots of trips to the vet to take care of your ear goobies and your respiratory infection.  I also was desperate to figure out why you drank enough water to fill a kiddie pool, but no medical reason could be found.  (Remember when you stuck your head in the cup and it stuck on your head and you got your name?  Ha ha!)  But you got better and we got to be good friends.  Most importantly, you became friends with Bob, who tends to be neurotic and was missing Alabama quite a lot.  

I love ya, Cuppers.  You are a great cat.  You are mellow, you are serene.  You even like being around other people now.  You hardly ever meow and when you do it is a cute little squeak.  You look at birds and make those kitty robot sounds that make me laugh so much and then it gives me a Crazy Cat Lady Story to tell at work.  You know how I love those. 

But here's the thing, Ms. Queenie Cuphead... 

Stop PEEING ON THE FLOOR.  

Why do you do this?  I clean the l-box all the time.  I give you space.  Bob and Q give you space.  I respect you, feed you and give you pets.  I even spare the idiotic anthropomorphizing of pets that happens so often.  I don't think you pee because you have daddy issues or because you're sad, I think you do it just cause deep down inside you're still kinda feral and you found a place to go that smells like pee from the LAST time you went.  Then I scrub it with resolve, Dr Bronner's AND chili powder (gets rid of the smell).  Sigh.  

And as your owner I am telling you 

this will stop

NOW

Regards, 

Megan (your owner.  I'm sitting right next to you right now)  

The right turn

This is the best way to describe it...

(which means I'm not going to write the BIG STORY on this very public blog, but read this little allegory and you'll get the idea). 

Driving to the chiropractor's office.  

(I have a new one now, she is amazingly and wonderfully fantastic.  Need a holistic chiropractor in Seattle?  Email me and I'll recommend her.  She's amazing.  No violent crunching, but very very helpful and gentle adjustments, so that when I go home and sit down in the white chair my back goes poppoppop!  all on its own.)  

I wonder which way to freakin' go.  My phone dies while I'm driving (yes I know I shouldn't) and talking to a friend.  There's paint all over my hands (chakra paintings!  Kitty cat lamp lotus paintings!  All new!).  It's been an incredibly exhausting day.  I want to go home and crumple, just collapse in the corner with a dramatic sigh, let the cats crawl over me as the mewl for food.  They'll be lucky if I muster up the energy to feed them.  

Traffic is awful.  I avoid I-5 due to the lines of car waiting to get on the interstate.  F that, yo.  I instead turn to take University Bridge and wait and wait in a line of cars, wondering if I'll make my appointment on time.  (Will they charge me if I miss it?  What a pain.  Why do I go so far for the chiropractor?  Oh that's right, because the last one was so impersonal and offensive, just cracking and snapping and telling me the only thing I need to know is to come back three times a week!  That'll do it!)  

Um, no. 

It is hot in the car and I have no air conditioning.  I don't know the way to actually get to the chiropractor's office because I went from the interstate last time and approaching Capital Hill neighborhood from different directions often baffles me.  I'll wing it rather than stalling my car at the light with the map shoved up in my face.  

Rather than turning at the light to go up to Broadway, as usual when going into this neighborhood, I go straight since I'm headed to a different area.  Never been this way before.  The road curves and swerves.  I have no idea if I'm going the right way.  The road goes past huge and beautiful houses and then is enclosed by tall emerald trees, shading and swaying over the curved road.  Fit middle aged folks in their best biking-home-from-work clothes zoom down the hill while others toil up the hill.  There's no way to tell if I'm going the right way.  I'll keep going.  (shoot.  I'm going to be late.  I can turn around?  Can I?  WAHHHH.  Man, I can't see around these corners.  I hate driving on curvy hills!  Ahhh, don't want to hit a biker!  WAHHHH)  The road curves and curves.  Finally- a stop sign and an intersection ahead!  Breathe a sigh of relief, then wonder what way to go.  Feeling I'm in the right direction though, I turn right.  I head a few blocks.  I pull up to another stop sign and recognize everything.  

I'm 2 blocks away from where I need to go.  I know exactly where I am.  

Miraculous!    

(Wow!  I didn't really know what I was doing, but I kept going.  When I doubted myself, I just listened closer to my intuition.  And I got myself there.)

I go in the sage green walled office and swill water.  I'm early.  I enter the room and tell the woman I already feel so comfortable with about my day.  She offers advice and encouragement.  She works on my back, that area around my right scapula that is tight as a rope most days.  I feel a deep somatic release and begin cry into the table.  Embarrassed, I try to make myself stop and she tells me I don't need to feel like I have to stop.  She says "we all need to melt sometimes" and I realize it is true.  She feels that C2 is totally locked up and tears run down my face as she gently adjusts my stiff neck.  My neck releases and my thoughts feel smooth.  

I leave the office feeling soft, relaxed and decide to drive a different route home.  I find my direction without issue and realize that it can always be this way.  

New home

Changes are brewing up around here at Gimme Insight!  

After a long time of thinking it would be COOL to have a website where I can have my blog, cool links as well as show my artwork, I'm getting it together.  This will also be a home for information on my yoga instruction, as I hope that continues to grow.  

So please stay tuned and I'll launch this badboy soon.  

IT SHALL BE RAD.  

Another blog on friendship

Lately I've been blogging about friendship- here, here and here.  In these posts, I've pondered what is it to be a good friend, what do we do with challenges in our friendships, how much of friendship is acceptance and how much of it is encouraging people to do more (and where is that balance?). 

I'm the first to admit that I've done some dumb stuff.  Through making silly decisions, I've found myself in various deep holes that a mistake threw me into.  I had to figure out a way to dig myself out of it.  But I didn't do it alone.  And I didn't do it with friendships I lament because I feel judged or feel like there are unreasonable expectations on me.  I did it with the help of these amazing people I sometimes forget about- my incredible friends and family.  They didn't say "I told you so" they didn't say "Um no I already warned you about this" and turn their back to me.  They took a deep breath and pulled me up and even had a glass of wine waiting for me when I was out.  And I hope to do the same thing for them when they need it too.  

The closest I've come to resolution with my recent flood of friendship blogs is recognizing the recent challenges as a wake up call.  

Here I've been, crying over friendships that felt like such a struggle and ones in which I fear disappointing them and being judged.  In turning my attention towards situations in which I feel rejected, I've forgotten about those rock steady, incredible friends.  These are the friends that drive across the country with you, who don't hold it against you when you act like a crazy woman when they're getting married, who you can just chill out with and speak freely, and also the friends who will be really kindly honest when you've hurt their feelings about something.  I am so grateful to have so many great friends, all over the place.  I am a really, really lucky girl and I truly want to return the favor.  

So here's the real deal- when I'm feeling sorry for myself I forget that there is all sorts of awesomeness RIGHT UNDERNEATH MY NOSE.  

I want to make something really clear.  I've never been alone.  I'm now accustomed to these responses when I say I used to live in Alabama: "what?!  how awful!"  because for a Seattlite, living in 'Bama sounds like a nightmare- all that heat, humidity and all those conservative minds *oh shudder*  But you know what?  Alabama wasn't a bad place and I should make a point of voicing that.    

Recently a friend asked me how I was able to get through the Non- Wedding situation, when my wedding was cancelled and I still moved back to Alabama.  I told her that was a very hard time, but also a time when I felt very centered and healthy.  I had a long road of healing ahead, but I was on the right track.  Feeling centered was a direct result of the support I had from my friends in Alabama.  Several really good friends consistently went out of their way to be supportive to me, and they hadn't even known me that long.  They were incredibly kind and helpful, always including me and inviting me to do things.  Also, I had a great work environment with people who were really funny, smart and felt quite a bit like family.  I liked a lot of people in the school program, even though some of the classes seemed kind of weird.  I was really pretty happy there, I liked my job, I had a super sweet apartment that would cost about 4 billion dollars here in Seattle.  And again, my friends were great.  I never got any "I told you so" or "what the hell are you doing" from them.  I'm thankful for them, for being gentle with me and having fun with me.